Wednesday, October 22, 2008

The wonderful individual....

Well based on my last mail many perceived it as a blooming 9yr relationship that’s still there or just about there. I don’t want to say anything and would leave it to the readers to judge from this poem that’s on her titled what you have heard before- “Honey not this time, maybe some other time!”

Its this wonderful person i know for almost 9 yrs now....

Went to meet someone, found her by chance,
She was busy with her stuff and noisy antics.
I tried hard ignoring still unknowingly glance;
She’s so much like a kid, patienceless and frantic.

Thinking of her was giving me a sweet tension,
Ate dinner somehow but the night went sleepless.
All I thought was of how to get her attention
Rolled in bed the entire night, I kept feeling restless.

I start off with being a friend off course,
Listening to her woes and despair.
Helped her around with things and chores,
All the while wishing we could be a pair!

Got her to eventually accept me as the one,
And take my heart finally close to hers.
Her shortlived attention was not serious but fun,
Only to end it after a few coffees and dinners.

I am heartbroken, clueless with noone around.
I try everywhere for some support, maybe a friend
Regurgitating my loss to many but only to frown,
Each night crying in bed was the usual trend.

One year later when I am free and somewhat healed,
She calls me one early morning prior to sunshine.
I talk to her listening to her woes & some hidden greed;
She promising to be mine for her entire lifetime.

I took her back not realizing what is in store,
I was just a prop, maybe an arm candy some time.
For everyone I was her mere friend, nothing more
All I saw her doing, was enjoying her new lifeline.

I confront her by asking if this is what she meant?
When she said she would be mine now onwards.
“I am but not for the world to know” is what she vents,
Wanting to be free, not labeled with names and words.

I left her to herself for I knew her mind too well.
The fault not being hers, she’s only a kid-too confused
I am the best she’s ever had; to everyone she tells,
But to accept me as a reality she shamelessly refused.

Time passed by and to finally forget it all is what I chose.
When she again came back, this time not single but coupled;
Tells me of a guy who’s awesome & the first one so close.
Love, sex but no apparent future, I stood silent but confused!

She moved on, lost faith in love but not in herself,
I was still perplexed, surprised at her rare selfless stint.
”What goes around comes around” I told to myself,
Still she learnt nothing from this, not a tear not a glint.

She soon got someone new, but again letting it pass by,
Realising they were bad choices, never worth, all the same.
To friends she recalled me as the best she came by,
Still never letting me be anywhere close to her last name.

We are still friends and I let her play her little game,
She still continues to tell me how much I mean to her
I stay aloof, avoiding hurt but respect being the same,
Enjoy playing along, though never over-feeling for her.

The jist of the story is not too complex but simple,
If its your first love, your mind literally goes blank.
Your heart would dive in this ocean of false hopes,
Leaving yourself repeatedly floating just on a plank.

The problem in my case is what happens forever always,
Just when I feel the coast is near & she will finally be mine.
She would scatter my hopes and dissect my mental forays,
Saying cutely as ever-“Honey not this time, maybe some other time!!!!”


Just FYI she also is the very first para of my poem Why so Serious???? Hoping now i wont be seeing some sweet remarks like- Oh so sweet 9 yrs, gosh thats so grt and stuff....

44 comments:

Anonymous said...

Its sweet ...

Anonymous said...

Wonderful poem...You'll never get over her no matter how hard you try, no matter how much one tries to shower you with honest and sincere love to overshadow the angst and pain she has given you...

One can stick by you a lifetime or may die offering you love and care but it's all gonna be zilch for u compared to those few rare but lovely moments she spared for you out of her own busy life that didn't include you...

I'm sure there are hundreds of more poems and thousands more stanzas you'd be able to write on her...so keep 'em coming

Shravan Vijayaprasad said...

but why then are you dedicating such a big space to "her"?? Is she still that important to you?

Rakesh Vanamali said...

Admiration is a very short lived passion that decays immediately upon growing familiar with its object!

Wish things get better Chirag!!!

Cheers n prayers!

Amazing lines indeed!

Rakesh

Jahnabi Roy said...

oki its none of my business and you can temme to buzz off... but y r u livin in this shit??? if u r i.e.

Wandering Minstrel said...

its weird na..someone who hurts us so much..we still dont curse them..or talk ill of them..i guess thats the purity of the heart that we all need to learn!
nice poem btw! :)

Meow said...

The heart has its reasons which reason does not know. I can relate to every word of what you have said. There are times when you just let him/her take you for granted. But such is life & its abstruse truths!!!

Chaggoholic.... said...

Hey Shrav i just wrote the whole travel story and then felt people would be inquisitive so wrote the description too. On a serious note i dont know really but can only say that she deserved this last penned stuff....

Rakesh my dear i dont want things to get any better with her. I am happy as the once in a while friendly attention that she gives me....

Jahnvi my dear Lol i am not livin this shit anymore. Trust me when i say its out of my system and only bcoz of that i can laugh on it now. Just felt people went too sweet in their comments on the last one so had to clear the doubts....

Swati thnx da for the swet comment. Kp comin....

ceedy said...

As long as its a poem and rememberance of the past it fine ---- hope this is not a data bank of sorts for future use ;)

whoami said...

Aquarians are always sentimental about their first love :)

Anonymous said...

Hmmm, I understand :) happens and its easy to say get away but then you just can't

ReVelatIon nd TrutH said...

hmmm...nice...:-)but wudn it b betr to just forget stuff than write so much bout it...(thou i knw its tuf...:-D) i mean, ur puttin it on record?!?

Jayashree and Just Jay said...

This time i dont have anything to say! just wanna say great! and very proud of you, Pehela Pyar amesha yaad rehana chahiya... its too touchy and nice indeed.

God bless you both! and hope you both stay friends (atleast) for ever and ever.

Be happy
Cheers,
J

Anonymous said...

knock knock..
am i allowed in here!
;)
u seem ta be gettin better everyday ya dude..
i doubt some inspiration?!
wud love ta know who..if any.. :p
keep writin..n writin well..
cheers again..

Anonymous said...

was just playin in d last 1 babu..
u can choose not ta display it
hugs

Unknown said...

was just playin in d last 1 babu..
u can choose not ta display it
hugs

Unknown said...

lovely poem..

guess over time.. things hopefully will change.. and finally she wouldnt matter as much as she used to.. thats how life is.. there is bound to be a full circle at some point in time.. hopefully it is too early and not too late..

Unknown said...

Nice poem.Its hard thing to give up a person who was very much around and vanished by betraying.Its there with the breath.i wonder why ppl just playa round with hearts and feelings..like cards..
Well written poem and very descriptive.You must be a Poet not a dentist..:)

Chronicler said...

beautiful poem... it happens with everyone... i guess i've gone through the same... why does it happen that even if you are somebody's biggest support in their lives.. you still cannot be accepted in the other garb...such is life i guess...

Nebula said...

.. U truly have LOADS of patience! Hope it's all worth at the end..
My best wishes!

mixdbrew said...

Hmmm...it's strange that the ones who really love us and treat us well are taken for granted by us...whereas the one who treats us crapily makes us pine for them forever. It's true of me too...so i wonder why???

Anywez, I'm so glad that you don't judge her (that is so difficult to do) and still feel for her.

Well, after a point of time...i realized i deserve better.

And you do too :)

Anonymous said...

This reminds me of myself in the same situation some time ago... I have felt the same kinda feelings .. have tried to pen it down many times .. but failed..how much ever I try to forget ....it all comes back. But no regrets... no past ..no future ... I live for the present.

Great piece of work. Not many can pen down thoughts very well. Good luck.

Chaggoholic.... said...

Meow such is life for sure. Thnx dear. Stay around....

Ceedy no no my frnd now ways m i maintaining a data bank. JUst creative venting out to distract myself from some unanswerable currents....

Bindya i hv surely heard that one before;P

Ranju trust me i m not a supporter of washin dirty linen in public. This linen in particular has much more dirt than what appears to the eye. Just that somewhere i have regurgitated it for the last time. Next time someone asks me and i wanna tell i can say Blog no so and so post no.... ;)

Chaggoholic.... said...

Jay thnx for wishin well for us but i guess its better the way it is. Anyways u keep comin by....

Teez tu bhangi thi hai aur rahegi. Thnx for comin mmuaahh....

Crazy Heart well i was never a dentist;) Though still an aspirin poet. Not yet there....

Swayam ji ofcourse thats the irony.U gotto stop runnin after butterflies. Wait for a moment and be engrossed in sumthin else, u will find it perched on ur shoulder.Ideally stop runnin.Lol;)

Unknown said...

There are some people in our life who mean the world to us..even if we are not a part of their world!!!!And the lil' corner in their world we do get, seems more than enough to last a lifetime, doesnt it???... I have a person like that in my life and I know how it feels... People might think that its crap and shit what not.. but at the end of the day, we learn to appreciate our own self for our soft corners and sweet memories of this person we keep hidden in our hearts and cherish so much...

Ooopss.. I dont kno wat I am talking.. pardon me.. :)

Loved you post. :)
Keep Blogging.
Cheers

ami.... said...

firstly good work of literature..but really wonder does any one deserves a poem being dedicated to them..??

Nidhi said...

Beautiful Poem :)

First Love :) I don't know anyone till date who could forget his or her first love...

Its gonna b der with you forever and always...

Its too difficult, rather impossible to give up the person you ve dedicated your life to...

Love... sometimes surely hurt...

Chaggoholic.... said...

Nebula i wont say i have patience but wud say i have the ability to forgive tho not forget. Thnx for comin;)

Mixed brew many thnx for ur wishes. yes i deserve much better a person and my quest continues thru towels, toothbrushes etc;)

Diva what u said makes complete sense to me. Thnx for comin by and keep comin....

Ami thats a nice thought of whether someone's so grt to deserve a poem. Well i guess sometimes yes and sometimes not. Its your mind which will make that poem look like an experience or an ode.... Thnx do come again....

Think Tank said...

Aha the travails of love ..nok dont worry sabke saath hota hai

crasiezt said...

First love syndrome eh? Hurts and feels good at the same time..love is weird!!

Loved the poem..beautifully written..your choice of words is simple, and they strike a chord instantly..liked the style:-)

Thanks for visiting my blog dude!!

Stranger in the mirror! said...

Love hurts..first time,every single time..whether u say it to someone that you love em or keep it buried in a corner and ya it never stops hurting until you can pull away ,stand and not feel a thing when you remember what had been."Lets just be friends for a while" is the worst part, we inevitably end up deluding ourselves into believing that line many a time dont we!?

Chaggoholic.... said...

Well Nidhi for me i started late. Had this been some school love story i wud hv bn over it by now. Anyways i think i pretty much am by now provided i don bump into her intentionally.Thnx for comin by....

Think tank thnku i know its pretty common. Kp comin....

Crasiezst i wonder whats wid the spellin;) Thnx for comin and hey kp comin....

Dewdropz u came pretty late but in time for a wonderful comment. Thnx for passin by....

WarmSunshine said...

Hmmm... read it, thinking all the while, ke.... I dunno if i'm allowed to say this or not... but she's been v selfish on her part. And if you were a frnd i could advise, i would tell you to keep her away.

Sorry again if what i say angers you, i just meant to be honest.

Other than that, the flow is nice. Very smooth.
Keep writing!

Unknown said...

great poem Chirag !! n as always i m proud..u did justice in explaining the character right !!! great going all the best !!!

Ranjani said...

Yes, first love, first experience, it pains. Still, life's certainly a bigger place. Time to cheer up and move on. Pack your bags for a new horizon!
Cheers, good poem there!

aria said...

Ohh you are so much like me in some respects.. gullible and forgiving .. I say its better being a fool and getting used rather than using someone..

that aside.. quite nicely written and as usual lovely rhyme..
I am reminded of many 'firsts' .. hehe I call all of them my first folly for they were the first of their kind :D and then after a while I sit scribbling poetry for those lost and gone ... ergo it isnt all that bad ..

sorry for disappearing .. hope you are doing well .. take care :)

Rakesh Vanamali said...

Just dropping in to say Hello & letting you know that I and my blog still exist! ;)

Your not visiting has been well noted!

Chaggoholic.... said...

Meher thnx for comin dear and no i didnt take any thing to my heart. I truly value ur concern....

Rajni its on you and i cudnt hav got a better comment.Thnx....

Ranjani thnx for comin.I have already walked away and onto some better place....

Aria thnk God u r back.Missed u dearly. Thnx for the comments. Tc kp comin....

nischal said...

hey chirag,

read your blog after you left a remark on mine. trust me, you got to come run with me... once the endorphins hit you, the only person you will love is you :-))

cheers
nischal

Rae said...

One word.
Ouch.

Hope whatever it means to you is working for you... if that makes any sense!

Unknown said...

i liked the last para..
no posts..
busy..?

Neers said...

Hey Chirag, first off... i know exactly where you coming from... same suns and all that... or maybe its just that all of us are same, but are scared to proclaim!

umm, hawai chappals not really my fav.. i still prefer my TH slip-ons... ooo show off, me! :p

Mamta Rivonkar said...

Really nice, but if I read between lines i sense a deep feelings for her.. you know who is the loser. Dont you?

misskays said...

wow!! i cud jus connect to tht so well.. it seemd like my thoughts being read out there..